With deposits in the IRA, a countdown to the last day of work, and a stack of travel brochures, I was ready to retire from a 28-year career as an elementary school teacher. The end of an era. The end of my identity, or so I thought.
I talked to my friend Linda about this. “I feel like everythingʼs over. Iʼm not accomplishing anything anymore. Retiring took me out of the realm of what I was really good at, what gave me a sense of accomplishment. What do I have now? Realistically, I might have 20 years of living left,” I said.
“Think about what youʼve done in the past 20 years of your life. ʻOh, yeah, I did this, and yeah, I did that, tooʼ. Think that you have 20 more years to do something else. What else do you want to do?” she said.
That set me thinking.
When computer wizard Steve Jobs died, there were many retrospectives on his life, on his constant drive for perfection and creativity. I doubt if he had an idle moment in his life. In contrast, William Shatner of Star Trek fame, said on a morning talk show, “My goal in life at 80 is simply to get out of bed every day.” I wondered where I fit on that spectrum.
I met a calm, sophisticated-looking lady at a neighborhood party on New Yearʼs Day. “What do you do?” I asked in the age old ritual we have of wanting to identify and quantify everyone by their professions and avocations.
With a puckish grin and a twinkle in her eye, she replied, “As little as possible. Iʼm retired.” Unbidden, she went on to explain. “Retirement is a matter of attitude. You have to remember that what you do, even if it is nothing, is your gift. And your choice.”
These lovely words of wisdom from a retired New York judge set me to thinking, and I noticed that the universe was bombarding me with unexpected little snippets of wisdom.
I frittered away an afternoon munching popcorn and watching “Eat, Pray, Love”. Julia Robertsʼ character Elizabeth is chastised by her Italian friends.
“You Americans always have to do and accomplish something. Thatʼs not the Italian way. In fact, we have a phrase for it – dolce far niente, the sweetness of doing nothing.”
Then I ran across this quote (now prominently posted on my bulletin board): “Time you enjoyed wasting, is not wasted time.” T.S. Eliot.
This gift of retirement is my chance to revisit dreams deferred, dreams happily interrupted by raising two wonderful children and a rewarding career trying to spark the love for learning in my students. Now I get to make my choices every day about what I want to do. Write my memoirs or the great American novel. Play my guitar. Work on my photographic skills. Read a book. Go to yoga class. Do nothing.
Sitting here at the computer, gazing lazily out the window at the birds at the feeder and squirrels playing, I realize the choice is mine. I have to find a happy medium between Steve Jobsʼ persistent drive and William Shatnerʼs surrender. More than just “to get out of bed,” but to follow my gut, my karma — not toward accomplishing anything, but toward what feeds my soul. Continuing to have my dreams, sticking to my ideals, I accept no schlock, but expect excellence, particularly of myself. I choose not to worry about the destination, but to strive to truly enjoy the journey and let my path lead where it may.
“When I let go of who I am, I become who I might be.” Lao Tsu.
Not an ending – truly a beginning.
#retirement
#dreams